the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
