i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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