i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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