Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
