Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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