take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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