***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
