I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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