i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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