What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
