$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Randomize
