I wish I could punch you in the face.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Randomize
