He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
