Redeem this text for a blowjob
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
