i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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