you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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