he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
