we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
do herpes really smell.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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