He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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