Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
