yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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