i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
BRING THE BAGELS
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
