I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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