i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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