i think my mom watched the whole time
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
