she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
lets start a swedish sibling band together
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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