I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
