I only kidnapped one of them. chill
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
