Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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