when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My day in three words: secret purse cake
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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