He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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