Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
