I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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