Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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