How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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