I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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