sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Dignity is for republicans.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
