Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
