don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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