My balls are so social today.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
When are your genitals available?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
