Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
