So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
