I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I have fence marks all over my body
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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