ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
