listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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