She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
