No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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