Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
