His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
