I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
