Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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