Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I have aggressive nipples.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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