btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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