Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I think I am morally bankrupt
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
