I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
